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I'm in Maui ya'll.  This place is heavenly. We are staying at a resort and every view you take in is stunning (except the big naked ladies in the spa who saw "naked" surrounded in lights when clothing optional question arose). Boobies! I was wearing my suit but I kind of wish I'd been brave enough to wear my old school suit. I got to go to a spa!!! I kept thinking "are you kidding me?" This place is luxury at a whole new level. They've extended the knob to 11 basically. 

I'm here to perform at a corporate event along with my friends, Art, from Everclear and Eddie, from the band Live. It's been such a mind-blowing trip. But at my core, I've been in the slums. The slums" because I came believing whole heartedly that Stephen was going to propose marriage to me. We've been together for almost 4 years. He's seen me struggle through my heartbreaking divorce, seen us pick up the pieces for our sons' sake and form a new unit - all the love you could hope for, ever present. He's been with me through the passing of my dear Father. He's been with me tried and true, through thick and thin and he has not wavered. He is my favorite, this scientist turned guitar god turned scientist. Smartest man I've ever known, clumsiest too, funny, almost weirder than me, handsomest fella I ever saw. I am beyond blessed to have been shown the lessons I've learned and am learning knowing and watching Stephen. 

Well he hasn't proposed and i've got a bowling ball tied to my heart. I'm TRYING with all I have not to be a butt and ruin this trip, but he just told me that when we get back to Nashville, he'll take me to the jewelry store and let me see the ring. To make sure I like it he says. What??? This is not the speak of someone who is about to propose. Hopes dashed, trying to float. Called my sister - she said "just shut up and enjoy your trip Leigh, you'e being an ass. That felt good. I feel like a baby all diapered out, just whining. I just want to WHIIIIIINE. But I don't, i remain sweet and fairly calm and am pretending not to be bothered in case he hadn't been able to pay for the ring before we left. The last thing I'd wanna do is ruin his time making him feel awful. Don't want to ever be that girl....

Wow. We went to dinner. We finished our meal. He ran to the bathroom looking a little pale rider, so I bought the hipstamatic app for my iphone and took pictures for 20 minutes till he came back. When he came back, he sat in a pool of his own sweat. I've seen him play many shows and girl can sweat ya'll. But he was still pale, only now dripping sweat from his hair and face. I took pictures because i thought he had IBS and his situation was making me laugh real hard. My goal was to watch a movie, something to keep my mind of this non engagement trip. But Stephen wanted to walk along some of the paths here by the ocean. We had done this every evening and I was getting grumpier with every step, but I went along. I was being super quiet and a little "poppy", once again fighting the urge to bring up the ring again.  We walked down to the beach and I saw someone had drawn a heart in the sand with the obligatory I love you inside. I tried to take a picture of it, unsuccessfully. 

He suggests we go back up to an unlit path and walk into darkness. This rubbed me the wrong way being the paranoid freak that I am. As we walked into pitch black all I could thing of was the Zodiac killer coming down off the hill to our left and having his sick way with us. (sorry if this disturbs you, i was in a place)So not too kindly and not without the use of some well placed expletives, I tell Stephen I'd like to turn around. 

He's still sweating by the way, profusely. He's taken his sweater off and tied it to his waste, the t shirt underneath is soaked. We head back down to the beach. Everything around me whispers, "calm down". Stephen took me in his arms as we stood in the surf swaying back and forth with the tide. I opened my heart and said a prayer. I asked God to forgive me for taking a moment of this place, a moment of this man, for granted. I said, "I'm so selfish and I'm so sorry". The haste in my heart went out with a wave. Levity came back. 

Then Stephen started running like he was on fire to a spot next to a lava cliff reef situation that was lit from a light post above. It was about 30 yards away, so I just sat down on a random chair that'd been left out earlier in the day. I continued to pray. I thank God for Stephen and prayed for him, for us, for my son Henry, for Mark. Bowling ball turned balloon, my heart was lifted. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I meditated for those moments. I sat up and saw Stephen running back to me yelling, "did you see that crab???" with the excitement of a 10 year old. I laughed and said no, is that why you were running? We walked into the light and he'd written in a heart just for me. "i will love you forever." I cried because I believe him. He held my hand in his and said the sweetest words I could ever have hoped for. I am 34, I am hearing him, I am understanding what this is. He is on his knee and he is holding a box with the ring.  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

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