tag:www.bullypulpit.com,2010-06-27:/dennisyanke//53 2010-10-02T23:48:28Z Movable Type 4.34-en tag:www.bullypulpit.com,2010:/dennisyanke//53.1297 2010-10-02T14:10:00Z 2010-10-02T23:48:28Z

Recently a woman revealed she was facing major surgery. Breast cancer as a matter of fact.  Her husband was not the first, or second call she made. In fact she waited until the end of the day to give him...

Admin Recently a woman revealed she was facing major surgery. Breast cancer as a matter of fact.  Her husband was not the first, or second call she made. In fact she waited until the end of the day to give him the news. When I asked her the reason why, she said "she had always been the strong one in the relationship and she did not want to have to deal with his anticipated reaction when this situation was about her needing support." Clearly this couple had reached a place in their marriage where they were living together, but not necessarily loving each other. Sometimes when we marry we look at each other, see the faults as well as the strengths and we decide we can live with the faults because the positives compensate. Unfortunately, no one ever tells us that we change as we get older and those issues which we thought we could live with may become major problems or points of continuous conflict which grind love into the ground. We need to be more strategic in our marriages. The chemical attraction we feel for each other is not enough of a reason to be married. Shared values and beliefs, how we relate, and a complete emotional and mental commitment to each other are vital components. Obviously, you need the chemistry as well but not on its own. During marriage we need to continue to be strategic. By this I mean we need to love on purpose and make those habits which affect our behaviours thoughtful and loving. When I come home every night I have the following habits. I take my shoes off and go and find Pat where ever she is. I reach for her and hug her and look into her eyes and kiss her like we did when we were dating. The only exception is if she is on the tread mill, then I wait. The behaviour I am trying to impart with Pat is simple. I want her to know I love her and when I come home - it is to her.  We are both busy and often have events on the go but for that couple of minutes she and I both connect and it is always hot. As my conversation continued with the woman I mentioned earlier - I asked if she wanted her marriage to continue and she said "yes."  Then I asked if she wanted the relationship to be more and she said "yes."  I asked if she was prepared to admit that she needed her husband and was prepared to help him feel needed. Always fiercely independent, she had to think about that, so I asked if she did not like her marriage as it was now and who had to change. Her response was quickly met with "you can only control your actions and reactions. You can not control anybody else."  At that very moment, a light went on and she realized she was the one who had to change her behaviours. She acknowledged her own habits which led to those behaviours and we then discussed how to become more strategic and thoughtful, about loving on purpose.  Loving on purpose is sharing the honest and open truth with your spouse.  The good and the bad.  They are your shelter in the storms of life.  tag:www.bullypulpit.com,2010:/dennisyanke//53.1258 2010-09-27T15:09:00Z 2010-09-27T23:00:23Z

In all of the recent business press, from low tech newspaper to high tech apps on your latest I-phone or Blackberry, there is a constant barrage of "what the problem is with restarting the economies in North America". While ones political...

Admin In all of the recent business press, from low tech newspaper to high tech apps on your latest I-phone or Blackberry, there is a constant barrage of "what the problem is with restarting the economies in North America". While ones political orientation suggests different issues, from too much taxation to tax the rich more, there is a common cause which all of the pundits harp on and that is not enough productivity gains, and in some reports, a loss of productivity.   There are many suggestions as to the why, which again seem to range according to the opinion givers paradigm, from not enough capital investment to the unions being inflexible, but everyone agrees we need to be more productive in order to rebuild our collective fortunes. In Jim Collin's book "Good To Great" there are several nuggets of gold, my favourite being "it used to be important to have the right people on the bus. Now it is more important to have the right people in the right seats on the bus." For this issue of productivity, Collins perspective on the best leaders, who take their business from good to great, are leaders who enable or empower those around them to build out their areas of the business development - quality people who further the growth of the enterprise. Productivity becomes organic as it continues to grow.   If we assume that the decrease in jobs in this current recession implies business owners have kept all their quality people and laid off those of less depth, then why are we still lagging in productivity growth? The answer may be very simple. It does not matter how great your employees are if there is an event which robs them of their creativity, robs them of their sleep, decimates their confidence, and interrupts their focus. That event is divorce.   Each of us has seen the changes in attitude of friends family or co-workers when love dies. Hope becomes despair, the glass is always half empty instead of half full with anger and thoughts of getting even dominate their conversation. The occasional mention of the partners imperfections, which used to be told with humour, are now a litany of hateful transgressions which seem so morally reprehensible one wonders how they were lived within the past. This negative vitriol pervades not only the waking moments, but reduces sleep time as well, so these employees are not only angry and in a negative place, they are sleepless and not able to be productive at work. Just when you think you have your employee back and the flareups have ended, the rebound romance starts and these mature individuals, on whom you depend, start acting emotionally like teenagers again.   If one plus one always equals two, then here are some truths which always add up as well. All humans are wired emotionally and mentally to desire one partner to share their life with. This family is the core of our society and shapes the majority of our decisions. When the relationship is great we increase our productivity because it is our desire to provide more to the family. When the relationship becomes mediocre and withers other thoughts and negative emotions intrude and our productivity diminishes. It is therefore in the best interests of business to promote healthy, loving, family relationships in their workforce so not only are they increasing the productivity of their employees, they are growing their potential customer base to buy their product. Families who are divorcing do not buy they liquidate.   Loving on purpose is not only great for relationships, it is imperative in business. Here is a simple test, change your attitude about your partner, love them on purpose and the feeling of joy and hope you experience will translate and be reflected in your work, increasing your creativity and productivity. Share this with others and we will all be better off and without a doubt, the economy will grow again.     tag:www.bullypulpit.com,2010:/dennisyanke//53.1204 2010-09-21T19:09:00Z 2010-09-21T22:48:07Z

617,732 4:50 PM (EST) August 25th, 2010. 685,682 2:08 PM (EST) September 21st, 2010. A difference of 67,950. Why is that number significant?  It is the number of divorces registered in less than one month in the US this year....

Admin 617,732 4:50 PM (EST) August 25th, 2010. 685,682 2:08 PM (EST) September 21st, 2010. A difference of 67,950. Why is that number significant?  It is the number of divorces registered in less than one month in the US this year. This does not include people who never married legally and have separated -  so it is obvious that the number of marital relationship breakups is escalating and is a big problem. The results of these breakups is devastating and the consequences, heartbreaking.  - The surprised spouse who had no clue there was a problem. - The children who blame themselves. - The parents who see their child in abject despair. - The in-laws who lose an "adopted" child and even the cheating spouse whose departure caused all this pain who eventually realize what they have given up. With the fatal decision of ending a marriage, all of this personal loss and tragedy is only the beginning.   What is the productivity of the employee when they are working their way through separation and divorce? 80%? 50%? Whatever the loss is, the company suffers as well, almost like a lost time injury. In this economic environment with jobs hard to find and profits for small business hard to make, the loss of productivity hurts the community as well. No one escapes when a good marriage breaks up, the ripple effect bites all of us. Isn't it therefore our responsibility to promote and foster healthy marriages? Clearly, there needs to be a change in how acceptable cheating is and that change starts with each one of us. Do whatever you need to to to rekindle the romance, to strengthen your marriage and then spread the joy of that rebirth with others. Be inspiring without judging, be passionate with out preaching, be encouraging with out chastising, love on purpose in your marriage and with your friends so fewer people become a statistic. In the time it took me to write this (less than 30 minutes) the counter moved to 685,710. 28 more divorces were registered. What are you going to do in the next 30 minutes to save a marriage?  Your marriage?  tag:www.bullypulpit.com,2010:/dennisyanke//53.1124 2010-09-09T19:09:00Z 2010-09-09T21:48:53Z

There was always something magical about the first day after the Labor Day weekend. The heat of the summer seemed to dissipate, the air seemed cleaner and for many children and parents, it was the first day of school. All...

Admin There was always something magical about the first day after the Labor Day weekend. The heat of the summer seemed to dissipate, the air seemed cleaner and for many children and parents, it was the first day of school. All of the parents were happy, the younger children were nervous, and the older children felt a mix of emotions as they returned to the routine of learning. You will have noticed that I was using past tense in my opening comments as I'm not sure how I can consider the day after Labor Day as magical ever again. In Calgary, a group of 16 year old boys, who were consuming alcohol, watched while one of their friends had sex with a 12-year-old girl. This was apparently all prearranged and the 12-year-old girl agreed to participate. This is wrong at so many levels I'm not sure I can capture them all. The 12-year-old girl would be honored to have older boys paying attention to her yet there must be a barrier which she would not cross if she had self-respect. The boys clearly had no respect for this young lady or for themselves, because all of them should have said "NO". How do 16-year-old boys have access to alcohol and why would they feel it appropriate to drink it on school property? Oh yes, I forgot to mention that.  This event occurred at the very place where parents believe their children are safe and we, the rest of the community, assume our next generation is safe.  Isn't that why we pay taxes to fund the school system? We have soldiers fighting and dying in Afghanistan to rid that country from the group of men who consider women chattel. The Taliban prevented women from getting an education, did not allow them to vote, passed women around for their own pleasures and had no respect at all for their opinions. It appears that the only difference between our males and their males is that we allow our women to vote and get an education. There will be much scrutiny of this entire episode, in an attempt to try and find out what the cause was. At the end of the day there can really only be one root cause, and that is a "lack of principle, a lack of integrity, the breakdown of family" and "the absence of love" in the lives of the young participants. Loving on purpose is not having sex under the grandstand at your school. Loving on purpose is not convincing a 12-year-old female that it's the right thing to do. Loving on purpose is not allowing your 16-year-old boys free access to alcohol. Loving on purpose is a family relationship where all learn to respect themselves and every person whom they relate with. Loving on purpose is about the most intimate human interaction, the combining of two to be one save for the privacy of a place where you can be most intimate with each other and that  - is magical. tag:www.bullypulpit.com,2010:/dennisyanke//53.1104 2010-09-07T14:09:00Z 2010-09-07T21:48:12Z

Go to www.todayshow.com and watch Sandra Bullock's interview on the Today Show. Do not form an opinion on what she said according to the media. The difference between the headlines the media pulls out and her comments are startling, and...

Admin Go to www.todayshow.com and watch Sandra Bullock's interview on the Today Show. Do not form an opinion on what she said according to the media. The difference between the headlines the media pulls out and her comments are startling, and she actually addresses this issue as she is speaking almost as if she had a premonition that she would be misquoted. Sandra speaks about integrity as she relates the story of adopting her new child. She comments that many people have integrity but it doesn't seem to be newsworthy so it's seldom reported. Who really cares whether Paris Hilton had cocaine in her purse or not. Bill Gates challenge to Rotary International, contributing $200 million towards eradicating polio in the world, one of rotaries projects, did not receive anywhere near the press Paris generates. What does any of this have to do with a blog on healthier, happier marriages?  Well, when I observe the disagreements which occur in a marriage, including mine, many half truths or distortions seem to firm up one side of the argument. We interpret the headlines rather than finding out what the whole story is. A marriage should be an example of integrity. We should be able to dialogue with our partner and let the whole truth come out before we jump to opinions and start battles which no one wins. Sometimes, in a marriage, we spend less time in research and more time in reacting when it should be the other way around. Loving on purpose gives us the opportunity to talk with that person we committed to for the rest of our lives without being judged. If there is a difference in opinion or action we need to come to a reasonable compromise, always assuming that there is nothing illegal, immoral, or harmful. Most often the compromise will leave each partner with an even deeper respect for the other and an increase in the love felt by both.     tag:www.bullypulpit.com,2010:/dennisyanke//53.1005 2010-08-26T01:08:00Z 2010-08-26T08:00:50Z

Back to school. I have to admit when our children were in school my wife and I could hardly wait. This sign that the end of summer was near did not bother us at all. (Don't you love the Staples...

Admin Back to school. I have to admit when our children were in school my wife and I could hardly wait. This sign that the end of summer was near did not bother us at all. (Don't you love the Staples commercial?) Back to school always felt like we were back to the habits and schedules which made life normal and for some tolerable. While routine is important to maximize your use of time, routine is the killer of romance and therefore the killer of marriages. How many of you fall into this trap? Dinner, kids sports events, kids cleaned up and put to bed, relax in front of TV or computer, go to bed separately and one is asleep by the time the other arrives? Is that the normal you want, the routine that makes life easier?     When I travel without Pat, usually before the wheels are up, I can tell whether the person beside me is living an epic or a tragedy. I think there are only the two choices. An epic is when all you encounter is new and exciting and, even if you have done it 1000 times before, it brings you joy. Everything else is a tragedy. You do not have to be sad to be living a tragedy, in my view it is the absence of joy which is tragic. Marriages which have fallen into the rut of doing things which need to be done and have lost the playfulness we used to have are boring, and lead to wandering interests where we try to find joy. Unfortunately, that is generally with another person.   The summer offers us the chance to be different as schedules are changed. Just take a look at the number of babies born in March and April. This year when the kids go back to school even if they are not your kids, do not fall back into the same fall habits. Try something new or a new way of doing something old but what ever that something is remember if you love on purpose you will feel more love and more joy and your life will become an epic. tag:www.bullypulpit.com,2010:/dennisyanke//53.847 2010-08-10T15:08:00Z 2010-08-10T22:45:08Z

Loving on purpose is not confined to your marriage. In fact, when you love on purpose with your spouse, you develop the habit of reaching out in the most positive way to others. Let me give you an example.  My...

Dennis Yanke Loving on purpose is not confined to your marriage. In fact, when you love on purpose with your spouse, you develop the habit of reaching out in the most positive way to others. Let me give you an example.  My parents both died in the last 5 years. Dad died first and his death hit me very hard. It was not unexpected or too soon and he was ready, but I think of him every day. When the first parent dies much of your grief or sense of loss is mitigated by caring for your last parent, but when they go, and you become an orphan, then you have no outlet for your sadness.   Mom was ready to go. She did not fade away because Dad died, her life long outlook was to turn the page quickly to find out what was on the other side. There may have been a health issue involved in her death, but she was not interested in finding out, she was ready for the next adventure. One of the most barbaric rules we have is identifying the body. Mom died In the hospital and was transported to the funeral home where I had to identify her the next morning. There was no preparation of her remains as she was to be cremated. I was not prepared for the wizened up, skin on bones, fluid drained visage that was presented to me. More than 2 years later this is still the image I have.   My sister and I were reminiscing last month at one of our frequent get togethers and I mentioned this lasting image to her.  Last weekend we were together again and she said "I have been thinking about our last conversation about mom and I was sad that that was your memory of her. You need to remember your relationship with Mom was completely different from the rest of us. She respected you and listened to you and you were able to help her in ways that we could not. When dad died, we were all focused on what to do next. You sat with Mom and put your arms around her. Her facial expression changed to one of complete peace, because she knew she would be okay with you by her side.  That is the image of her you should remember."    Brothers and sisters are supposed to love each other.  They never really love each other until they reach out when they have nothing to gain. When they spend some of their time thinking of a way to make your life better, that is loving on purpose. When is the next time you will love someone on purpose?   tag:www.bullypulpit.com,2010:/dennisyanke//53.742 2010-07-29T12:07:00Z 2010-07-29T18:49:43Z

Have you ever cried at a wedding? I did not cry at my own wedding 34 years ago and I did not cry at my son's wedding last year. Prince Charles and Lady Diana were married without me shedding a tear...

Dennis Yanke Have you ever cried at a wedding? I did not cry at my own wedding 34 years ago and I did not cry at my son's wedding last year. Prince Charles and Lady Diana were married without me shedding a tear and so were Tiger and Elin, but as we know, those marriages came to tragic end. I remember crying a tear or two when Racquel Welch was married and I realized she would not wait for me but I was much younger then. Fastforward.  Last weekend I balled my eyes out. After using up my tissues I used my dinner napkin, apologies to the caterers as they were linen. The groom is the son of a couple we have been friends with since before he was born and the bride we met while she was working at our golf course for a summer. This young couple have been to many of the same events as my wife and I, so we have really had the chance to know them. We were delighted to be invited to the wedding! Sometimes the fairy tale romances work out. He told the story about their first meeting when he awoke from sleeping on a couch and she was looking down at him. They had not been introduced yet but he said to himself "this is the woman I am going to marry!" She left town to go to medical school and he followed her leaving his family and friends and employment behind just to be with her.   There was not a dry eye in the house as these two described their love for each other. As they spoke of the depth and breadth of their love for each other it was clear to all that this couple was completely committed. They had looked at all sides of marriage and worked through what it meant to make a commitment for life and they were ready. Why did we cry? The honesty, the profound statement of love, the rawness of their admission of what love meant to each other before a large crowd of family and friends was so tender and real, that our tears washed away any cynicism we voyeurs had about what marriage is about.   Most of the time I write and speak about how to make your marriage better and more fulfilling, but sometimes marriages should end because we did not make the right choice in the beginning. This couple have built a brilliant foundation upon which their marriage will flourish and impact their community in a very positive way. They made a good choice and they are loving on purpose. We can all shed tears of joy about that.   tag:www.bullypulpit.com,2010:/dennisyanke//53.721 2010-07-15T14:07:00Z 2010-07-27T18:49:34Z

Every time you are stuck in rush-hour traffic it is interesting to look around at the various license plates to see where people are from and of course to try and figure out what the special combinations of letters and...

Dennis Yanke Every time you are stuck in rush-hour traffic it is interesting to look around at the various license plates to see where people are from and of course to try and figure out what the special combinations of letters and numbers mean to their owners. Some are very simple and depict a favorite sport or team or how much they love their car. Others are extremely complicated and it seems the vanity in that situation is that no one can guess the correct answer. One of the senior members at my golf club had the license plate 8 ACES, as that was the number of holes in one he had accumulated. He had had that license plate for many years and needed to replace the plate and ordered a new one. While waiting for the plate to arrive he scored another hole-in-one and had to reorder the plate which now says 9 Aces. A few days ago I saw a vanity plate that I can't stop thinking about. It read RIC and Me. Who is me? Think of the number of times during the day when we all try to bring a little glory on ourselves. We try to be the first to tell big news or we pass on gossip about someone, (did you ever notice that when you gossip about someone else you say the gossip in the way that makes you look better than the person you're gossiping about), and revel in the spotlight of bringing value by being the first one to share the news. Whoever the creator of this license plate is clearly puts others first. Not only are they not looking for glory they prefer to remain anonymous by excluding their name. I would like to meet" ME". This person understands that love is what you give away. By identifying Ric only they have put the focus on the person they love and not on them selves, a great lesson in loving on purpose. What behavior change will you effect today in order to improve your relationship with your spouse? tag:www.bullypulpit.com,2010:/dennisyanke//53.456 2010-07-05T22:07:00Z 2010-07-06T06:20:02Z

I recently turned on an old play list on my computer. One of my favorite Garth Brooks songs caught my attention. The Dance is a song about the advantage of not knowing what the future holds. Garth sings about losing...

Dennis Yanke I recently turned on an old play list on my computer. One of my favorite Garth Brooks songs caught my attention. The Dance is a song about the advantage of not knowing what the future holds. Garth sings about losing the love of his life and how he would not want to miss the great times he had with her before the end of the relationship. Most of us would agree with that sentiment. If we knew what was going to happen what would be the point of living? The pain we feel when we do not know the outcome makes the good times so much more enjoyable. This is one of the lyrics, "our lives are better left to chance, I might have missed the pain but I would not want to miss the dance". Why leave life to chance? Frequently I speak about loving on purpose. When you love on purpose your marriage is stronger, happier and sexier. You are healthier in body, mind and spirit. What about the rest of your life? Of course random events are always going to occur but if you have a plan, a purpose you will be in much better shape to meet life's challenges. Love on purpose! Live on purpose! tag:www.bullypulpit.com,2010:/dennisyanke//53.432 2010-06-27T14:06:00Z 2010-07-05T18:17:57Z

Marriage.  A relationship which we all enter with great joy and anticipation takes quite a pounding over the years. In the early years, we get up in the morning, go to work, take turns making dinner, spend the evenings in...

Dennis Yanke Marriage.  A relationship which we all enter with great joy and anticipation takes quite a pounding over the years. In the early years, we get up in the morning, go to work, take turns making dinner, spend the evenings in sports or more education or charity work, not necessarily with each other and then go to bed. Weekends we socialize, and do whatever tasks are required around the house. One week kind of blends into the next. Then, by accident or on purpose we decide it's time to have children and have added satisfying "their needs and wants" to the mix we already have. We get so ground down by the tasks that we have to accomplish every day, we forget the joy and anticipation and take each other for granted. As I interview with media, we dialogue about these events I have just mentioned. Frequently, an interviewer will make the comment "it is hard work keeping a marriage fresh." Actually, I disagree with that statement. Think about what it was like when you were dating - before you were married. Think about the anticipation before every date. We all did special things in preparation for the date, from making arrangements for dinner to fixing our hair in that special way or wearing that cologne or perfume which was guaranteed to turn the other on, the preparation and anticipation was a lot of fun and quite frankly, arousing. Those romantic things that you did in order to be your best or to make sure your partner had the best time when you were together were acts of love, the same acts of love which are frequently missing in our relationships today. Loving on purpose is what we need to bring back to our marriages in order to re-create those feelings we had when we were dating. What is so fascinating about love and love in a relationship is this, in the early years we consider love as a verb. It is something we do for the other person. It is loving on purpose. In later years, we consider love as a noun, something we are entitled to. As soon as you feel love is what you get out of the marriage rather than what you put into the marriage then your marriage is doomed. Pick one thing which you did when you were dating that you have stopped doing. Don't tell your spouse - just start doing it again. This act of love will fill you up because every time you give love away you have more love to give. When you are giving love to your spouse your marriage is better, happier and sexier because that's how you feel! Sounds like hard work?  Not at all! Truly, believe it!  It can be a lot of fun with such great reward! tag:www.bullypulpit.com,2010:/dennisyanke//53.433 2010-06-13T13:06:00Z 2010-07-05T18:17:57Z

My mother influenced my views on many things, but as an adult I take full responsibility for my actions. She was never in favor of Mother's Day feeling it was a Hallmark day, a day manufactured for shops to sell...

Dennis Yanke My mother influenced my views on many things, but as an adult I take full responsibility for my actions. She was never in favor of Mother's Day feeling it was a Hallmark day, a day manufactured for shops to sell stuff. Frequently my brother, sister and I heard, "treating me nice one day of the year does not give you license not to treat me nicely the other 364 days of the year.". She was of course, right. Dad got lumped in and we backed off on celebrating either day with anything too special.   As a father with three adult children, (most days I do not feel that old) my wish for Father's Day has been the same since they were pre-teens. "Please give me one day together when there is no bickering amongst you!"  As a Father and getting older we understand our role is to back off and be as supportive as we can. At some point,we have to let our children deal with the consequences of their actions or they never grow up. For a Father then, the best gift is not new cologne or a tie or a box of golf balls. It is the gift of watching you take responsibility and getting on with your life. We do not want to be excluded and we do want to be consulted from time to time. We look forward to your change from dependant to inter-dependant.   Another thought which occurs on Father's Day is not about what we receive - but what we give. The best gift we can give to our children is a mother who is loved, feels love and is adored in her relationship with her husband. By setting this example and if our children pattern themselves after us, then loving our spouses on purpose, with purpose rather than by accident will provide a foundation for future generations of loving families - within our own families.    So all you Dad's, let's use this day to remind ourselves that love is about what you give, not what you receive! The best gift you can give is to set the example of loving on purpose. Try this all year long and let's build a community of healthy marriages. tag:www.bullypulpit.com,2010:/dennisyanke//53.434 2010-06-07T14:06:00Z 2010-07-05T18:17:57Z

Who cares? Why is it news? What makes it compelling? Those are all the questions I ask myself when I hear of more cases of infidelity. Why not celebrate cases of fidelity? My parents were married 55 years before Dad...

Dennis Yanke Who cares? Why is it news? What makes it compelling? Those are all the questions I ask myself when I hear of more cases of infidelity. Why not celebrate cases of fidelity? My parents were married 55 years before Dad died. My in laws will be 60 years of marriage next year. I was telling someone at a social event recently, that my wife and I celebrated 34 years last Saturday.  A voice from the next row yelled out that he had been married for 30 years but to two different women.   Sandra Bullock wins an Oscar for the portrayal of a strong wife and mother and we find out shortly there after that her real life husband has been cheating on her. I had no idea what his name was before and now I do because he is everywhere giving interviews, trying to justify his actions. Perhaps he was named appropriately after a criminal - Jesse James. You would think this is where it ends, but not a chance. The woman he cheated with is proud of what she did, so proud she is giving interviews and has signed on with a web based adultery service as a spokes adultress. She has two children. What hope do they have of learning what a family is, of learning what love vs lust is? As we continue to be bombarded with all of this negative, tawdry, salacious garbage, let's use the opportunity to turn to our spouses and tell them how much we love them. Let's find stories of couples who have been married for decades and who provided loving environments for their children to grow up in and share those next time someone starts with the gossip. The old saying "stand up for something or you will fall for anything" is perfect here. Let's stand up for marriage and everything which builds love in the marriage and "no" to everything else! When we accomplish this, we will marginalize those who commit infidelity and publicly flaunt it, to the point where their stories will not be newsworthy.   tag:www.bullypulpit.com,2010:/dennisyanke//53.435 2010-05-31T13:05:00Z 2010-07-05T18:17:57Z

Okay I will confess. I watch "LOST." What a great show and for me, a moving and compelling ending. I did not quite understand how everyone was leading their own lives until the last person died and when they all arrived...

Dennis Yanke Okay I will confess. I watch "LOST." What a great show and for me, a moving and compelling ending. I did not quite understand how everyone was leading their own lives until the last person died and when they all arrived in the church, but two things deeply touched me and actually moved me to tears. Jack's interaction with his father, with whom he had so many issues earlier in the show, (spoiler alert) made me wish I could hug my dad again, just one more time. Dad and I never had the drama which was depicted between Jack and his Dad, but my father slipped into a coma before I could hug him one last time. My lasting mental picture of him is with the tears running down his face caused by the pain in his throat as he tried to swallow the meal I was feeding him. I turned to the nurse and asked her to increase the morphine to take away his pain with out understanding that he would go to sleep so soon  Never to wake up. Never to have that last hug.  As we approach Father's Day, find your father and give him a hug like it was the last one you have - you just never know - it might be.   The other emotion which jumped out at me was joy. All of the couples on the show were reunited and when they looked at each other, their obvious emotion towards each other was pure, unadulterated joy. I know it was just a TV show, scripted, with actors whose personalities were penned by the show writer.  So what?? In real life, if your spouse looked at you with that kind of joy, the kind that filled their face from top to bottom, from deepest part of themselves, what would your reaction be? If you were in that position, what would his/her reaction be to you smiling joy all over them? Probably the same, creating a mirror image of what you were giving.  You see, love is a verb!  So if this is the ideal feeling we want with each other, let's make it happen. Why not write your own script which reads "on my way to meet my spouse!" "Forget the irritating things that happened today." Think about the particular event which occurred which reminded you of your spouse and share it with them.  Better yet, SHOW THEM!   If there was one event today that would only have been better if they had been there to share it with you, share it with them! Are you going to be sad or angry when you first see them? I guarantee you will not!  You will be so full of joy, your joy will be contagious and you will infect (and affect) them. Who knows how late dinner will be?  Honestly, who cares!   If you script your self for the next 25 days, then this behaviour will become a habit and your marriage will be better and your life will be longer and the sex will be awesome! You might even infect (and affect) your family and friends. Love on purpose! Try it!  You will like it!   If missing that last hug with my Dad is such a painful memory for me, can you imagine what missing that last hug from my wife would be if I had not come home "full of joy" to her?     tag:www.bullypulpit.com,2010:/dennisyanke//53.436 2010-05-25T11:05:00Z 2010-07-05T18:17:57Z

In a small town, in a small province a tragedy happened. This event did not make the national news. CNN did not have an embedded reporter there. BBC did not cover it on world news. All the protestors gathering to...

Dennis Yanke In a small town, in a small province a tragedy happened. This event did not make the national news. CNN did not have an embedded reporter there. BBC did not cover it on world news. All the protestors gathering to waste their time protesting the G20 meeting in Toronto would rather be bloodied fighting supposed crimes of finance rather than real crimes of passion. A man was being unfaithful to his wife and family and for some reason killed his lover and himself. Was this a Romeo and Juliet moment? No just another tawdry affair gone wrong. Why is it when we take this first step down the road of cheating we do not look instead at all we have and if it is not enough why can't we fix it? Generally you will hear one of the following statements to rationalize cheating, "I am bored in the relationship" or "I do not feel the magic anymore" or "she/he loves the kids and the dog more than me" or "I do not feel loved anymore."  All of these statements echo exactly the same concept "what am I getting out of the relationship" and that is not what love is about. Love is not selfish - love does not turn inwards.  Love is not about being in control - love is not about what you receive. Love is selfless, love is about reaching out, love is about not needing control and love is always what you give away. So whenever you start with one of those self centred suggestions about what is missing, try putting something back in instead - because what is missing is you! There is no reason to find yourself in the arms of another, just give that exact attention to your spouse and nothing will be missing. No guilt will be so encompassing that the life of another will need to be sacrificed. No, this event did not reach the outside world but every person in this community has had there lives altered permanently because of the selfishness of two people. Why not protest infidelity instead of finance.  The result would be much better for us all!